The Real “World’s Most Expensive Starbucks Drink” – $26.80

Posted: 16th February 2012 by The Executive in Lifestyle

As many of you may know, The Executive is the true world record holder for the World’s Most Expensive Starbucks drink.  Although other pretender’s claim the title The Executive knows better.

You see, it was The Executive’s pioneering spirit combined with his love of Starbucks coffee that led him to daydream of holding the world record for the most expensive Starbucks drink ever created. It seemed to be a natural goal considering The Executive already owned the world’s most expensive champagne and the worlds most expensive cigar holder.

So The Executive enlisted the help of his Chief Technical Officer and Principle Associate – Greg Jones of North Bethesda, MD – to help him engineer the world’s most expensive Starbucks drink.

Greg told The Executive that the problem was simply a matter of cost density. You see while others had made significant strides toward attempting this goal (see $14.47 white mocha, and $20.65 drink), an Everest-like world record, requires an Everest sized cup.  That’s where the Starbucks 31oz Trenta cup comes into play. First though, Greg explained the rules that were necessary to make a valid drink with the Trenta cup.

1. The drink could only be based off of Iced Coffee or Iced Tea. Other more expensive iced drinks are not actually on the Starbucks menu in Trenta size, and any attempt at the world record by, for example, trying to make a Venti Frappuccino into a Trenta cup would immediately invalidate the drink as a true world record holder.

2. The true world record would only be judged off the price of the drink.  The Executive could not for example tip $10,000 (his usual Starbucks tip) and expect to add the cost of the tip to the drink. The tip is a gratuity and should not be counted as part of the drink price.

3. The true world record drink must fit in the cup.  For example a Venti iced drink at 24fl oz + 16 shots of espresso at 1oz would never fit into a 31oz cup. The Executive, as a master of mathematics and science knows that is 40oz and ludicrous, not to mention adding bananas and other superfluous low cost density space wasters.

So with those simple rules to make a legitimate world record priced drink, that any moron would probably realize without having to be told, Greg explained to The Executive his plan. The Trenta cup is marked as 31oz but Starbucks usually makes their cups a little bit bigger assuming you would not likely be able to fill it all the way to the brim. That way Starbucks, a company that is always looking out for their customers, can make sure that the customer is getting exactly what they paid for. That leaves probably 32 oz to fill. An average Starbucks espresso shot is roughly 1 fluid oz and one of the most expensive additions on the menu at $0.75 a pop. Therefore espresso is the highest cost density product on the Starbucks menu. With a few cubes of ice, some flavoring and 29 shots of espresso, The Executive’s drink was likely to be priced high enough that no one would ever surmount his accomplishment. To accomplish this task, they hopped on The Executive’s private jet and traveled to the best Starbucks in America, the Virginia Square Starbucks, in Arlington VA.

After getting over the initial shock of the request, the good barista’s at Starbucks were happy to take the challenge of building the True World’s Most Expensive Starbucks drink. Due to the extreme caffeine content (89mg per shot or roughly 2589mg in the drink)  the barista’s named the drink “The Killer.”

Behold… The Killer

A picture of The Executive’s Chief Technical Officer Greg Jones, The Executive’s favorite Arlington, VA barista, and the world record drink*

A photo of the drained cup and copy of the original receipt for “The Executive” the true worlds most expensive Starbucks drink at $26.80

Knowing it would take roughly 15,000mg to kill a 180lb human, The Executive looked “The Killer” straight in the straw and promptly drained the cup, immediately renaming the drink “The Executive.” Then for some unknown reason The Executive proclaimed, “Suck it LOGAN!” When asked how it tasted The Executive responded “Delicious, but not very strong.”  The rest is history**.

-The Executive

* Photos provided by www.arbistan.com and the original story can be found at http://www.arbistan.com/2011/12/citizen-spotlight-most-expensive.html

** The veracity and voracity of The Executive’s claim is currently being investigated for eventual publication in the Guinness book of World Records.

  1. Spaulding El-Eminopio says:

    “voracity” – excessive desire to eat; extreme gluttony
    “veracity” – Adherence to the truth; truthfulness

  2. The Executive says:

    Yes, and The Executive is full of both. Unfortunately, The Executive’s Associate’s are not great proof-readers. A correction has been made because The Executive is always correct.

    -The Executive

  3. The Shareholder says:

    What a waste of time and excess. I too cannot believe The Executive would make the above mistakes – there was a rumor that he had a phd; we now know it is not in English. The Shareholder is also rather surprised that The Executive would surround himself with a CTO that looks like the guy in the photo. That guy looks short and paunchy. The Executive must really be an undesireable fellow if he surrounds himself with such mediocre looking people in an attempt to increase his self-esteem. Again, The Shareholder leaves disappointed.

    • The Executive says:

      The Executive needs no PhD because he can afford to hire as many PhD’s as he wants. The Executive models himself after the great Henry Ford who said “There are two extremes to be avoided: one is the attitude of contempt toward education, the other is the tragic snobbery of assuming that marching through an educational system is a sure cure for ignorance and mediocrity.” The Executive avoids snobbery.

      The Executive will leave the Shareholder with another quote from Ford: “If there is any one secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as yours.” This is why the Shareholder continues to fail while The Executive continues to succeed.

      -The Executive

  4. The Shareholder says:

    Of course the exec failed to address the mediocre talent he surrounds himself.

  5. The Shareholder says:

    I leave you with a Henry Ford Quote that the Executive should take to heart “A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.”
    Enough Said
    The Shareholder

  6. The Executive says:

    The Executive produces many things that The Shareholder in his ignorance ignores. For example: The Executive’s Niconated Coffee, The Executives Niconated Single Malt Scotch, Nicola – The Executive’s Niconated Losanges, Paleo Water, and the world’s most Organic honey.

    Hard to believe that The Shareholder seems to pride himself on reading comprehension but failed to remember 5 of the Executive’s vast products that have been discussed in the last month.

    -The Executive